Celebrating Failure



I have failed at a lot of things. I fail constantly as a parent, I have failed at being a wife, I have failed in my job, I fail friends...the list can go on and on. I feel that I fail at something almost every day. I have had my own business and I am part of the statistic that small businesses close within 5 years. ME! Right here, this girl....totally failed. But that failure wasn't because my business wasn't good, it was because I more-or-less gave up. Life got hard so I closed it. I shouldn't have done that. It's hard to pick just one failure for this assignment when I have so many.

I have failed assignments this semester. I have not done some. I hate when I don't get assignments completed, I feel like a total failure. It makes me feel like I'm not a good enough student. I feel like I am almost 38 years old, I should have my shit together and sometimes I don't. Sometimes life gets in the way and things are unavoidable. That is when I become really hard on myself, like why can't I work full time, raise a child and go to school, I mean, it's only 1 class, right!?! Oh yeah, and let's throw in a move while we are at it.  Then I have to take a step back and laugh. It's okay, I'll know better for the next time this happens. I will know to read ahead and not let assignments sneak up on me. I'll know...     

Failure is incredibly hard to swallow when you are not expecting to fail. It can be embarrassing. You can go into a situation expecting to fail and it be okay or more acceptable, an easier pill to swallow or you can go into a situation completely unprepared for failure and just be absolutely mortified. I think that the people that find failure to be a complicated emotion are hard on themselves and expect more from themselves than they are capable of at times. I am this way. When I have the hardest time accepting failure is when I am the most hard on myself, but that can also turn into motivation to get it right, or at least better, next time. Sometimes I do not handle it well. Sometimes I get angry and throw things, which is extremely childish. I ultimately use it to better myself though. If nothing else, you realize what doesn't work and either you grow or use it to help others.

I absolutely am more likely to take a risk now than I was 4 months ago. This class has definitely opened my eyes to the possibilities that are around me. I feel that I have learned quite a bit.